Young Fathers

Mark John, 25, a self-employed welder and peer educator for Straight Talking, got his ex-partner pregnant when he was aged 20:

“I was between jobs when I got my ex-partner pregnant by accident, but the birth of my son became a guiding force to get my backside in gear.
My mates laughed about it and thought it was a big joke that I would have to deal with all this responsibility. My mother was cool about it but my ex-partner’s parents were not. When I realised she would keep the baby, we got back together and she moved in with me. I was working nights a lot which didn’t please her, especially after my son, Adam, was born.

When he was born it really hit me: He is going to be my priority for the rest of my life. I had to make sure I had enough money to sort everything out for him and it made me think about what it means to be a father.

After he was born, my partner didn’t want my mother to get involved in the child care. My partner looked after Adam in the day and I took care of the nights. I knew my partner didn’t have any interest in being a family with me and Adam. As soon as she got a council flat, she said ‘see you later’ to me. I knew it was coming. At first, we just had silly arguments but then she stopped answering my calls and I have been fighting for access to Adam ever since. The courts don’t favour fathers and something should be done about that. I have been doing things the right way but she doesn’t turn up in court for hearings. One day, Adam will come looking for me and he will hear the truth about why I haven’t been in his life. The hardest thing about having a child when you’re young is not the physical stuff, it’s the mental things. You worry about how you will cope with money.

I think every young man, faced with their partner having a baby, has to make a decision: You either turn the other cheek and ignore the situation, or you man-up and look after your child."